Here are my favorite verses from Halloween Hoodlums: Go Home:
There is one old hymn that now arouses my curiosity as well as my
Which is the one that begins, "For all the saints who from their
Heaven knows all the saints have earned a good rest after their
hardships on this earthly scene,
But I wonder how much rest they actually get on the
Eve of All Saints' Day, generally known as Halloween.
Despite nostalgia that increases with age, I don't insist that new
ways are decadent and only the old ways are fit to venerate,
But I do feel that the celebration of Halloween has tended to
I can remember when children got an adequate thrill from ringing
doorbells and running away, or rigging ticktacks on the window, or even bobbing for apples,
While they now amuse themselves by upsetting gravestones and
I try to refrain from crabbedness and contentiousness and general
But I find it difficult when the young have ceased to distinguish between
mischief and vandalism.
What has become of the old-fashioned urchin who terrified his cooperative
relatives with the aid of an old sheet and a lighted
He has given way to a savage and malicious breed compounded of country slicker and city bumpkin...
Then, of course, no Halloween would be complete without Trick
This is a system of extortion that has grown even beyond the
incredible and the preposterous.
It equals the Mafia in ruthlessness and arrogance, it is altogether
With such thoughts in mind I firmly expect that on some future All
Saints' Eve all the saints will enjoy undisturbed rest from their
And so, I selfishly add, will I and my neighbors.